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Sleeping with your spouse might be killing your sex life.

Sleeping with your spouse might be killing your sex life.

Do you feel like your sex life could be improved? Not sure what to do to change things? Why not consider sleeping separately for a while, or even just periodically. Allow me to explain.

Last week’s post discussed the benefits of sleeping alone for better health. So how would sleeping separately result in a better sex life for you and your spouse/significant other(s)? There are a few reasons to explain this seemingly counter-intuitive idea.

For one, as I discussed in last week’s article, having our own sleep space helps us get better sleep, which results in better health overall. When the body/mind (they aren’t separate) is healthier, libido increases.

Two - desire can also increase with absence. Think about it. If you are always sleeping in the same bed with your partner(s), you won’t always feel like you want to have sex. That feeling can become a habit. Or one of you might not feel amorous when the other does and that can create friction in the relationship, leading to increased lack of desire. But if you change things up once in a while and sleep separately, you have some space to create desire again.

Sleeping separately can also improve your relationship overall. How do you feel when you are having a disagreement, or an argument with your spouse/significant other(s)? Unless you are turned on by arguments, sleeping in the same space when you are arguing, or otherwise out of sync with your partner(s) can be detrimental to your sleep, your health and your desire to have sex.

I understand many of you might be completely resistant to the idea of sleeping separately from your partner(s) regardless of the potential benefits. I invite you to examine why you are resistant to the idea. Many of us have been entrained to believe that married people, or people living together in an intimate relationship, must sleep in the same bed. But why?

Will your relationship fall apart if you sleep separately? Is it so tenuous that it wouldn’t withstand sleeping apart from each other? Or would your relationship actually become stronger?

Discussing the possibility of sleeping separately could be an opportunity to take your relationship to a deeper level of communication. It could cause you to re-examine your own beliefs about relationships and really consider what you want and need from a partner, or from yourself. Both of which can lead to better sex.

So, better overall health, absence increasing desire and change improving communication are just a few of the reasons sleeping separately from your spouse/significant other(s) can result in a better sex life. But you’ll never know until you try it!

Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments.


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